Money can be a delicate topic to navigate, especially in relationships.

Perhaps you feel uncomfortable discussing how much you spend, your financial goals or your partner's spending.

But ignoring the subject altogether can hurt your financial stability and your relationship in the long run.

In this article, we’ll explore common reasons why couples avoid talking about spending. We’ll also give you simple, bite-sized approaches to have productive conversations with your partner.

Partners may have different priorities for how to spend their money, and fear that discussing their differences will lead to conflict or a breakdown in the relationship. Uncertainty about future plans or lack of agreement on goals can make things worse.

If one partner is afraid of being judged, they might hesitate to bring up the topic of money. They may believe that discussing finances will require them to alter their lifestyle all at once, or that they’ll disappoint their partner.

One or both partners may feel uneasy about their financial situation, making it difficult to discuss openly. This can be due to past mistakes, a partner bringing debt into the relationship or one person feeling like they are not contributing enough financially.

When one partner has assumed on a financial role by default, it can cause discomfort or resentment. This might be because one person feels like they need to assume more responsibility than they want, while the other feels dependent in a way that disempowers them.

If you're looking to manage your finances more effectively as a team, try these approaches with your partner:

Approach 1: Make time

Setting aside specific, intentional time to talk about spending can make all the difference.

Schedule a regular meeting to discuss finances, when you can both make it a priority and ensure that the subject doesn't get overlooked.

You can make the conversation more enjoyable by turning it into a date. This takes the pressure off, as you can discuss things over breakfast or a walk.

If time is tight, you can also try "habit stacking," where you discuss finances while going through your other daily activities, like enjoying morning coffee together.

Activities to try:

• Mark your calendars
• Make it a fun date
• Try "habit stacking"

Approach 2: Create a safe space

Good communication starts with helping each other feel comfortable.

When it comes to finances, this means opening conversations with gratitude. Share one thing you appreciate about the way your partner handles finances. For example: “I appreciate that you find great travel deals.”

Then, share your feedback using “I” statements. “I feel anxious when you overspend,” “I think we need to save more” or “I wish you’d help me track our expenses.”

When sharing your concerns, explore ways of saying what you mean in a non-judgmental way. The idea is to reach an agreement, rather than criticize each other. 

Activities to try:

• Start conversations with gratitude
• Share feedback using "I" statements
• Use non-judgmental words

Approach 3: Build trust

Building trust in a relationship takes time, especially when it comes to finances.

Transparency is key, so consider telling each other your credit score and be open about any debt you may have.

You could also open a joint account for your recurring expenses, like rent, insurance or groceries. This can help you build trust if you’re not quite ready to make each other beneficiaries in your accounts.

It's also important to discuss priorities and set boundaries to avoid resentment and hurt. Having a monthly budget serves to keep you both on track with what you agreed on. Or check with each other before making large purchases.

Activities to try:

• Look at each other's credit report
• Start with a joint account for main expenses
• Discuss priorities and boundaries

Approach 4: Empower each other

You both bring different skills to the table. Make the most of it by acknowledging what you each do best and assigning financial roles. Perhaps one of you is a great planner and the other is good at day-to-day savings. How can you join efforts towards your goals?

While choosing a system that works for both of you, consider the financial and non-financial contributions each of you make. Who stays on top of paying the bills? Who makes sure there’s money in the account? What would you change about your contribution levels?

Activities to try:

• Discuss your skills and assign financial roles
• Acknowledge both financial and non-financial contributions

Approach 5: Take small steps

Change can be hard.

That’s why it's important to take small steps towards healthier financial habits so that you can remain consistent with them.

Instead of immediately merging all your accounts, make a game plan of how you can move forward one step at a time. For example, you could discuss your spending once a week. Can you do it 6 weeks in a row?

Lastly, pick one strategy to work on together over time. One that's simple and easy to keep on track. For instance, canceling subscriptions or setting a retirement goal. 

Activities to try:

• Make a game of reviewing your spending
• Pick a strategy to work on together

Managing money with your partner can be a positive experience. Did any of the common reasons to avoid discussing spending resonate with you? Try the approaches in this post to have better conversations with your partner. It takes time to feel comfortable navigating finances together, but doing so will empower your relationship and your financial future.